All That Needs To Be

My great King, of all kings You rule in sovereign totality, Your scepter reaches far above the heavens and Your arm reigns with massive power! You, Great Lord, have come and lived among Your own, even within them. God, grant that I may be changed continually and realize the new life and nature I abide in now.  Grant, Lord, that I can rest in Your grace and act by Your power! Conform me into the image I was meant to be in. To live is Christ; indeed to strive to be like Him, to desire to make Him known,  and pour our lives out for Him. Change me now and evermore,  leading me away from the things of old and into the new until the day of completion. 
Amen

The Buoy in the Storm

Why do I fight? Why do I curl in fear? Why am I thrown about and sifted like wheat? Why? I am in ever doubt of whether or not I am truly Yours. How can I be when I play with such devils.

But You keep a hold on me, I believe at least. I have a conscience where I once did not. I desire not to sin against You. Yet at the same time I am played by my own self. It is like a bloody battle inside me, at the very soul.

Oh, the defeat though, is so harsh. As a finely made sandpaper being pushed across my heart and soul for days is the pain of the defeat. As a buoy as far as the deepest sea in the strongest storm is the torment of my soul as it is thrashed about between good and evil.

Oh how I wish to do good effortlessly, if that was even so. I say I am no saint and should not even be called as such. And You, in all Your holiness and awe, do so call me thus. The Man who died upon the Cross and hung between heaven and earth, the King that rose after three days, He has made me to be clothed in Him. Like a rotten stinking corpse covered deep inside beautiful crystal white snow am I before You.

This is, indeed, the only hope I have. Eternally.

Ever Before Me

O Mighty Yahweh, LORD of all, Three in One, Glorious Trinity... my King;
Do I fail you, yet always you keep me. Why for but a wonderous mystery, that of your particular grace upon your people. Indeed all I ever do is fail! How pitiful! What a joke it almost seems! What, for how close I can come to righteousness, even the closest I come, yes no matter how close I come, sin is ever before me. Like a damned madman I am pious, but on the inside war with good and evil. What a joke indeed... What more of a pitiful joke it would be if I did not have you my gracious Lord! What a sad existence! Always captive to that nature wherein I was born! Trying to do good but never taking that guilt away of which man knows the condemnation he deserves.

What a wonderful wonderful thing you have done! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Though I still wage against evil within me I am by no means a slave of that evil, and your very own Spirit lives in me, giving me all I need to live the holy life I am transferred to! Not only this, (though this mystery is enough to make one ponder for days), O Jesus you stand continuously as my Great High Priest, perfect atonement, clean forever due to your spotless intercession. I am alive because I am dead in you, Saviour. And in this hope only am I saved from myself and even your terrible judgement.

Indeed, I am only alive because I have been crucified in death with you, and you are ever before me. Amen.